Be holy as I am holy. -GOD

For six months now, I have been weeping for the sins of this nation. At times the weeping turns into groaning. I feel as though my head is going to explode and often I have headaches after wards. The burden of the Lord is so great. His heart is broken over this sinful nation. (I’m talking about the professing Holy Ghost church.)

Every since I was saved 36 years ago (actually 18 months after my salvation), the Lord put a burden on my heart for the American church. I felt His heart for her. I knew I was called to her ever since. I didn’t know exactly what the details of my mission were and at times I was confused about it. She seemed so strong, yet I knew there was sin in her. So I preached on holiness. Pleading with her to yield all to Him for I knew then she would be most happy. Oh and I preached on the love of God which burned in my heart. But both of these seemed to go over like lead balloons. I was confused. I was a failure. I couldn’t make them see Him.

I would weep and be greatly burdened for Her. I tried to express this to others but they didn’t understand. How could they I barely understood it. Sometimes there was no relief from it. I could cry at an instant at the thought of His broken heart over sin. I had Only my husband who seemed to understood my burden. He always encouraged me in it even though I couldn’t express it properly to him. It was too deep, I had no words. Words were to empty to shallow to express it. It hurt my heart physically. My tears were the only expression that felt right, but no words were adequate. At times I had to force myself not to think of it or I would break down crying. I had errands to do, the mundane thing of life, go to the bank, post office, grocery store. I would hurry through daily duties so I could get back to His heart and He was always there weeping through me.

I would preach, but again they seemed not to see His love, His hatred of sin and His magnificent Holiness. Lord I’m failing in my mission. Oh I would pray for His outpouring. They must see you as you are. I would lament because they didn’t see. The burden was too great to hold if I couldn’t communicate Him correctly. I prayed for and studied revival intently. But none came. All this time I was in full time ministry. It was in this ministry that I received this burden of the Lord. This ministry believed in and preached the burden of the Lord for sinners. I asked to know His burden and He showed me and I’ve never been able to shack it. Only my burden turned to towards the church. I thought this burden for the church was strange because the church is filled with saints. Right? But I was young and foolish.

During public worship I had to hold myself back because I was afraid I would start weeping get out of control. I would have to hold until back until I was in private. You must understand at that time the only acceptable expressions in worship were singing, raised hands, and tears. Out of control weeping and wailing was not the norm and therefore frowned upon, or so I thought. Anyway, I strictly controlled my burden so as not to disrupt the service. I would run to the dorms and weep into my pillow. I often had to wear sunglass to hide swollen eyes.

During my days in full time ministry, I read every book I could get my hand on about revival. I thought, maybe if I knew all about revival He would bring it. I dreamed about it, I saw it in my minds eye, I prayed about it, I struggled for it. I knew it was just around the corner, but sadly no it never came!

When the ministry ended, so did my hope for revival. If God couldn’t use a ministry of people who were totally sold out to Him, young people who sincerely ate, drank, and desired for a powerful revival as in the days of old. Then who could He use? My hopes ended with the ministry. I asked the Lord sincerely, what should I do? I told Him I can’t live with this burden forever. Lead me to another ministry with a heart for you! No direction came for full time ministry. But the Lord said “Jeri raise your family” I obeyed His voice. And mercifully the Lord gave me a respite from His burden. Although it was still in my heart, it was not in the fore front. Somehow it was hidden away under the wing of the Almighty-It wasn’t time yet and I knew it. I expressed to my husband many, many times that God was just keeping me busy until He needed me. I also knew that something was a miss in my preaching- the love of God and Holiness was my constant themes-they were powerful and true and people felt Him, but something was lacking what was it?

Now the Captian of my Salvation has called me back to do His work. He has given the missing key in my preaching. I was only preaching half of the truth. And He has clothed me with His Truth. More accurately, He brought me back to His truth that I had understood when I was eighteen and had ran from. I was too young and unconfident. The truth I ran from is that few in the church are truly saved and many are on the path to destruction. They believe they have eternal life in heaven but in reality it is eternal life in Hell. They live in sin. They are unsaved, thinking they are saved When I was young I ran from this startling truth, because no one else believed it, only Jesus. But now I’m old and I embrace it. I’m confident in His truth. I know it is true in my soul. I have experienced it through my husbands life. He was one of these souls who thought he had eternal life in heaven, and I agreed with him, but was actually headed straight to Hell! He lived in sin. In Jan 2008 the Lord asked me if I would tell them the truth now. “Yes my Lord and King” I responded through the tears. I must warn then, I will warn them. I will follow the Lord of Host and proclaim the Truth.

Now the burden of the Lord has returned to me in full force. I weep for the church. I weep and weep and weep. Will you hear what the Lord is saying. He who has ears to hear let them hear. Don’t run from this truth as I did when I was young, learn from my mistake. We carry this end time revival in our hearts! Will you join ranks with the Lord of Hosts. Will you preach the truth, do the truth!